A Love That Cannot Be
by Vibe Goddess
Summary: Haibara wants to leave and attend University in the United States. Can Conan convince her to stay?


Haibara spoke calmly into her cellphone, "This is the last time you'll ever hear from me."

"Please, Haibara—" The detective started, his voice full of desperation.

"Kudo-kun." She cut him off sharply as she clenched the phone tighter in her hand. "I've made my decision. I want to move back to the United States. It will be for the better."

"Why? How can it be better that way? You don't mean that!" He yelled loudly through the receiver causing her to hold it away from her ear.

She spoke, her voice shaking, "Just forget about me."

There was a long sigh on the other end of the line.

"There's nothing I can do to convince you to stay?" He asked her sadly.

She peered upward and stared into the night sky. There were billions upon billions of stars. She watched them carefully, almost half-expecting them to rearrange themselves and spell out an answer to Kudo-kun's question.

"No." She answered sternly. "There's absolutely nothing you can do. It's my choice to leave."

There was silence for what seemed like many minutes before he asked, "Where are you?"

She paused, taken aback by his question. She sighed," Somewhere you will never find me."

In reality she was sitting on top of Agasa's roof as she always did when she needed to do some deep thinking. She would really miss this place.

"Please, just at least let me say goodbye." He begged her.

"That's what this phone call is for, idiot." She rolled her eyes. Haibara was beginning to think that calling him was a mistake. "You don't need me anyway, you have—"

"Damn it, Haibara!" Kudo-kun was yelling again. "Don't say it. Don't you dare bring _that_ up now."

Then she snapped. He had done it now. "Bring what up?!" She asked, her voice rising and tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes. "The fact that you have Ran? We shouldn't discuss that? That's not important?"

"What are you talking about?"

"What do you think, Kudo-kun? I'm talking about you and Ran! Me being here is just getting in the way of your happiness…and my own. You chose her, and you've always cared for her. It was so blatantly obvious, and I denied it for too long. It's just time for me to get a fresh start and leave everything alone."

"Haibara, I'm not happy without you…"

"I have to go." She said quickly as her finger moved towards the END button.

"Wait!" Conan yelled out, "I made a mistake, and I hurt you! I'm so sorry." His voice choked as he began to sob. "Please don't hang up this phone. Please just stay here. We can figure this out."

"There is nothing to figure out. I'm going to hang up the phone now—"

"I have to tell you something." He said quickly.

Haibara's heart stopped in her chest. What could he possibly have to tell her? She held her breath and quickly replied, "I don't want to hear what you have to say—"

"I love you, Haibara!" He loudly confessed

A long pause followed, she was too dumbfounded to say anything back. Her heart was beating even faster now, she could feel it throbbing intensely in her chest.

"I love—" he began to repeat himself.

"Well I hate you." She spat, wiping the streaming tears off her face. "You're a trader to your girlfriend. However, I hate myself the most for causing all of this." She slouched down and buried her face in her hands. She had created such a mess.

"It's not your fault." She heard him mumble. "I've felt like this for a long time and never said anything."

"Then why didn't you say something sooner?" She cried. "Are you just saying this now to make me stay?"

"No—I mean yes technically, but I really do feel that way." He answered quickly

"I never thought a girl like you would give me a chance. I never thought I could have you, Haibara. You were always pushing me away! What did you expect me to think?"

"Well it's too late now." Haibara forced herself to say. "This isn't going to work."

"Why is that?"

"Because it will spoil everything!" She sobbed. "Ran will be absolutely heart broken if she ever finds out…" She paused. "She loves you so much."

"But what do you feel for me?" He asked her softly. "If you really only have hate in your heart then I'll let you go, but just tell me."

"I'm not doing this over the phone, you fool."

"Then tell me in person." Said a voice behind her.

She turned around quickly to see Kudo Shinichi standing behind her. She clumsily dropped her cell phone in shock. "What the—" She whispered, "How did you find me?"

"You still have your detective boys badge on you." He answered smiling.

"Get the hell away from me." She yelled, turning away from him.

A few moments later she felt both his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry…for everything." He breathed. "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I just felt like you never cared for me much."

Her heart was pounding out of her chest. He was here now for _her_. No one else mattered. It was just the two of them, alone on the rooftop.

She turned around to face him. His bright blue eyes gave her a piercing gaze.

"I wouldn't have called to say goodbye if I didn't care." She said, still unable to remove the annoyance from her voice.

"I realize that now." He said, his face moving closer to hers.

"Don't do anything you'll regret." She said softly, her eyes searching his.

"I won't." He whispered. Then he kissed her.

His lips were delicious. They were everything that she imagined. Haibara found herself unable to pull away from his embrace. It felt so amazing that he was finally holding her now. It was a moment that she would never forget; her first kiss from Kudo Shinichi.

Their tongues danced as the kiss deepened. Her hands were in his hair now, messing up his raven black locks. She felt his fingers caressing her back, making her skin tingle intensely. His touch felt amazing, but in the back of her mind she knew it was wrong. All of it was wrong.

Slowly she pulled her lips away from his face, and then slapped him hard on the cheek.

Unable to look him in the eye she muttered, "I'm sorry."

He softly stroked her cheek, gently forcing her to look back at him. He looked somewhat hurt.

"It's my fault." He said sadly. "I just can't lose you. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that I love you."

She half-smiled. Those were the words she always wanted to hear. Those were the words she always fantasized about. However, the timing couldn't have been worse. She pushed him away for so long and now it was too late for them both.

"I've loved you for so long." She spoke slowly.

"Then let's start our lives together right now." He said grabbing both of her hands.

"Kudo-kun, I'm still going to the United States for University. I want to go. I have to do something for myself now, and I think the distance will be good for us."

"I'll wait for you." He said, tears beginning to stream down his eyes.

"Don't do such a stupid thing." She forced herself to say. "Don't hurt, Ran. You both are good for each other."

"Haibara!" His arms were wrapped around her now, hugging her tightly. "I finally have you, please don't leave."

They held each other for what seemed like hours, and then finally Haibara broke their embrace. Wiping the tears off her face she whispered, "Goodbye for now, Kudo-kun." Then she kissed him on the cheek and quickly turned to leave.

"I'll be here when you come back." Conan yelled after her, his voice cracking.

"Don't be so stupid." She whispered under her breath.

Then she solemnly walked away from her first and only love.

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**Thanks for reading :) Please review and let me know what you think!**


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